How to Be a Good Wife
Recently I was reading a woman's relationship advice to another woman. She advised being a "lady in the streets but a freak in the sheets," and it got me thinking of the multiple roles we need to play as women when we become wives. Although I am not married, I have been in a long term relationship for five years, and this is my theory based on my experience. I think the perfect wife can be broken down into five different roles:
Mother
Confidante
Waitress
Whore*
Cheerleader
*We're talking high class hookers/escorts here.
The Mother is the nurturer. She is responsible for raising the children, taking care of hearth and home, healing the sick, and providing comfort.
The Confidante is the husband's trusted adviser who provides him counsel and support. The First Mate of the ship (complement to the Captain), there to help envision the bigger picture for the family and steer the ship in that direction. A shoulder for the husband to cry on if needed.
The Waitress is the cheerful attendant of the husband's daily needs. She makes the food, keeps the man comfortable, and anticipates his needs. She is cute and upbeat, always ready with a smile. Makes the man feel pampered while still feeling masculine.
The Whore is the mistress of her man's sexual needs. Her job is to be sexually willing, open, and adventurous. She needs to make him feel wanted--a god among kings. She also provides other sensual comforts like massages. Helps her husband let go and unleash his inner animal.
The Cheerleader is the public face of a husband's support from his wife. She too is cheerful, openly supportive of her husband, and helps improve and maintain his public image. She is considered high value by most, and her approval reflects well on her husband.
You may notice that many of these categories overlap to a degree. And they should; they are all facets of the same woman. Both the Waitress and the Whore are responsible for tending to her man, bolstering his confidence, and reinforcing his masculinity. Both the Mother and Confidante are serious, supportive roles.
If you're thinking you're not well balanced in all of these areas or that you find yourself lacking in one role, you are not alone. This balance is a constant effort that becomes easier with time and the more you get to know your partner. I said this is the picture of the "perfect" wife, and no one in reality is perfect.
Issues arise when women forget some of their roles and favor others too heavily. A very common example is a Mother forgetting her inner Whore. She has children, gains weight, shears off her hair, and dresses in frumpy clothes. Her husband misses out on the sexual fulfillment he needs, and she misses out on the confidence and satisfaction of being the object of her man's desire.
Another example would be letting the Waitress outshine the Cheerleader. Perhaps a wife excels at anticipating her husband's every whim before he can even imagine it at home, but then at a company dinner party she falls short supporting her husband and actively speaking well of him to his boss and co-workers.
All of these areas need to be balanced, and which roll is needed when varies from relationship to relationship. We all have all of these women within us!
Stay tuned for a bonus post tomorrow on The Five Faces of the Perfect Husband!
